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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958131">The Worlds in the Words</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/estelraca/pseuds/estelraca'>estelraca</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kamen Rider Decade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Discussion of gendered expectations, Everyone Is AFAB, F/F, Multi, some gendered slurs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:35:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/estelraca/pseuds/estelraca</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Natsumi doesn't think she should like Tsukasa as much as she does, but there's just something about the brash, arrogant, amnesiac woman that she finds fascinating.  Then they start picking up other friends, and everything just gets more complicated.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hikari Natsumi/Kadoya Tsukasa/Kaitou Daiki/Onodera Yuusuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Rule 63 Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Worlds in the Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jen425/gifts">Jen425</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was so tickled to get this prompt because it was basically the same as one of mine.  The idea of the whole crew being female, of how that would change them and their interactions, was just fascinating to work with!  I hope you enjoy these little snippets into how I think it would and wouldn't have changed their character interactions.  Thank you for some amazing prompts!</p>
<p>Spoilers through the end of Decade in this, as well as minor spoilers for Kuuga (nothing that you won't know if you've seen the first handful of episodes, but still there).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The Worlds in the Words</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Natsumi doesn't know what to make of Tsukasa.</p>
<p>Her first instinct had been to pity her. What else was she supposed to do with the girl her grandfather dragged in off the street—a girl who was bruised and bloody, who only seemed to know her own name, who was wearing some kind of black and pink leather outfit that couldn't mean anything good? Clearly something had happened to her, and that something had probably included abuse and humiliation that Natsumi didn't really want to think about.</p>
<p>Then Tsukasa stays with them, moving into the spare room as though it were her right—moving into the photo studio and their family as though she had always belonged—and Natsumi becomes less sure of her suppositions.</p>
<p>If Tsukasa was abused by someone, shouldn't she be scared? Shouldn't she be ashamed? Shouldn't she be...<em> something</em> other than the arrogant, proud, self-assured person that she is?</p>
<p>If Tsukasa has ever met shame, she likely kicked it in the teeth without even noticing. If she is afraid of anything, that fear has never shown itself in hesitance or caution or nightmares.</p>
<p>The only thing that Tsukasa seems even remotely perturbed by is her inability to take decent pictures.</p>
<p>Natsumi tries to teach her. At first it's out of that same sort of confused pity; then it's out of curiosity and irritation, trying to figure out exactly what's driving Tsukasa and how she's conning Natsumi's grandfather into letting her stay with them; and then it's out of sheer wonder.</p>
<p>Tsukasa <em>should not</em> be as bad at this as she is. It should not be <em>physically possible</em> for her to be getting the kinds of pictures she's getting. It's one more strange puzzle piece to add to the growing collection.</p>
<p>Natsumi finds herself watching Tsukasa, trying to figure out what makes her tick. Why does Tsukasa even <em>want</em> to stay with them? What could possibly be intriguing enough about them?</p>
<p>How is Tsukasa so comfortable in her own skin? How does she dress so happily in second-hand clothes, do so little with her hair, and still end up looking absolutely gorgeous?</p>
<p>Natsumi isn't jealous. She's been jealous of other women before. She knows what it feels like. This is more just... amazement. Tsukasa is like no other woman Natsumi has ever met, and Natsumi vacillates wildly between wanting to punch her and wanting to... well... to do things that someone probably shouldn't want to do with another woman, but when that woman showed up wearing blood and black leather...</p>
<p>If only Tsukasa were a little more aware of other people and their needs. If only she weren't <em>quite</em> so lacking in empathy.</p>
<p>If only she weren't missing, having taken rolls of film that Natsumi <em>needs</em>.</p>
<p>With a sigh of frustration Natsumi heads out of the photo studio, already knowing where Tsukasa will likely be. Having decided that it's something in the photo studio that's causing her pictures to turn out weird—which it's not, Natsumi has assured her multiple times—Tsukasa has taken to haunting one of the local parks.</p>
<p>Because if you can't take pictures with controlled light and controlled backgrounds, of <em>course</em> it's going to go better with the vagaries of natural light and the uncontrolled chaos of a public area. Natsumi can feel her teeth gritting together at the mere thought of the conversations they've gone over and over the last few days.</p>
<p>Tsukasa is right where Natsumi expected her to be, doing exactly what Natsumi expected her to do. A family of three with the deer-in-the-headlights look of people who have no idea how to handle Tsukasa is currently having their picture taken.</p>
<p>A second group of people is approaching Tsukasa, fury in their expressions.</p>
<p>Natsumi picks up her pace. As much as Tsukasa can be infuriating, she doesn't really want to watch anyone else bloody her up again.</p>
<p>Tsukasa notices the dangerous group when they're still a dozen meters or so away from her. She smiles, a predator's wide, toothy grin, and presses one of the Hikari Photo Studios business cards into the hands of the mother she'd been telling to stand with her shoulders back and her head up. “Come by the Hikari Photo Studio later today. I'll show you some additional prints. Here's a sample.”</p>
<p>The woman looks down at the picture that Tsukasa apparently slipped her along with the card and gasps. “This... how did you—”</p>
<p>But Tsukasa is already walking away from the family, heading <em>towards</em> the people who are clearly approaching with aggressive intent. “Gentlemen! Welcome back. It's nice to see you again. Care for some more pictures?”</p>
<p>“What the hell is this?” The leader of the group of four stabs a picture in Tsukasa's direction. “How did you do this, you crazy bitch? Who set you up to it?”</p>
<p>“I did it with my camera.” Tsukasa grimaces. “It just won't do what I want it to do. No refunds policy, though.”</p>
<p>The man seems to be having an entirely different conversation from Tsukasa. “I want to know who told you to do this. Was is Setoshi? Kazami? Some stupid cop?”</p>
<p>Tsukasa's eyes narrow, her focus finally seeming to shift from the picture to the man. “No one sets me up to do anything. I make my own choices.”</p>
<p>The words seem to stab through something in Natsumi's chest. She's never felt confined, not really—her grandfather has always been kind to her, always given her as much freedom as he can. And yet... if Natsume were to use <em>ore</em> with the casual ease that Tsukasa does, if she were to style her hair as eclectically as Tsukasa does, if she were to just make choices because <em>she</em> wants to and not because they will help her get what she wants from this society she lives in—</p>
<p>The man grabs for Tsukasa's collar. “Your <em>choices—</em>”</p>
<p>That's all the man is able to say before Tsukasa is moving, lashing out with lightning-fast moves that Natsumi has only ever seen at sports competitions before. They're something like the fights she sees on television, but also nothing at all like them—nothing choreographed, nothing held back, just quick, sudden violence. Tsukasa's long limbs work to her advantage, her legs seeming to move in lazy circuits that have her feet hit with devastating results.</p>
<p>As soon as Tsukasa shows that she's going to fight, the other three get involved, throwing gendered insults and curses about the way Tsukasa speaks with equal verve.</p>
<p>If it hurt them so much to hear Tsukasa use masculine pronouns, the fact that Tsukasa easily bests them in combat must <em>really</em> burn. Not that Natsumi doesn't help—she moves without thinking, rushing up and laughing pressure pointing two of the attackers while Tsukasa mops up the other two.</p>
<p>By the time the two have stopped laughing, their comrades are no longer moving. One starts to get up.</p>
<p>Tsukasa is on him before he's actually made it to his feet. A blow to the stomach; a kick to the head; blood is flying from Tsukasa's knuckles, staining the world red—</p>
<p>Natsumi doesn't remember putting herself between Tsukasa and the downed men, but apparently she did, because Tsukasa is watching her.</p>
<p>Tsukasa is so beautiful. She could be some terrible avenging angel, some Valkyrie from foreign myths. Her brown eyes are so cold as she studies Natsumi, so devoid of compassion for the people she's beating.</p>
<p>People who would have happily hurt Tsukasa, as other people must have hurt her. Who wanted to beat Tsukasa, to break the arrogance that they think she doesn't deserve.</p>
<p>And maybe she doesn't, but none of <em>them</em> do, either, and Natsumi's never seen that stop a man from being stupid.</p>
<p>Natsumi swallows, not sure exactly what she wants or what she should do. “Let's go home, Tsukasa.”</p>
<p>Tsukasa studies the moaning people at their feet, then smiles, her eyes returning to their usual luster. “All right. I have some film I need to develop, anyway.”</p>
<p>When Natsumi holds out her hand, Tsukasa's fingers slide their way inside. Natsumi wouldn't have dared to do this with a man, but with Tsukasa... well.</p>
<p>Tsukasa would dare anything with anyone, and as infuriating as it is, Natsumi finds that she also kind of likes it.</p>
<p>She doesn't like the nightmares that start that evening, dreams of Tsukasa fighting men—of Tsukasa <em>killing</em> men, and these men don't have anything cruel to say about Tsukasa's way of speaking.</p>
<p>These men say things about <em>saving the world</em>.</p>
<p>One of these men says <em>please</em>, the red of his armored chest turning black as he begs Tsukasa to listen, to <em>stop</em>, his voice full of tears.</p>
<p>Tsukasa kills them all, not a moment of mercy or pity in the way she moves.</p>
<p>Natsumi wakes with a start, her heart beating too fast. She goes to Tsukasa's room, stands leaning on the doorjamb and watching Tsukasa breathe for long, long minutes.</p>
<p>There is something beautiful and enticing about Tsukasa's arrogance, and if Natsumi can help her come to temper it with compassion... with mercy... with <em>reason</em>...</p>
<p>Well...</p>
<p>If Tsukasa wants to be a part of the family, then maybe that's exactly what Natsumi will make her into.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Yuusuke is an impossibility.</p>
<p>Natsumi doesn't know how to deal with her. She was all set to put Yuusuke into the same category as Tsukasa—arrogant, brash, unwilling to stay within any boundaries set for her—the moment Yuusuke opened her mouth and said <em>boku</em>.</p>
<p>It isn't fair, perhaps. Using <em>boku</em> is a step down from using <em>ore</em>, but it still tells everyone, instantly, that Yuusuke is playing by a different set of rules from everyone else.</p>
<p>It didn't take Natsumi long to realize that this set of rules is way too <em>kind</em> to be anything like Tsukasa's, though.</p>
<p>Tsukasa isn't cruel. It's one of the reasons Natsumi finds herself more fascinated than repulsed by the strange woman. Tsukasa can do cruel things, but it's never for the express purpose of causing pain and misery. Tsukasa just... doesn't seem to have ever learned to care about how other people will feel about her actions or words. How she managed that Natsumi has no idea, but it certainly turns her into the center of a cloud of hornets basically every time she moves.</p>
<p>Yuusuke knows how people will react. Yuusuke even <em>cares</em> about how people will react. She had been nothing but kind to Wataru, trying to help the child find his place in a world that wanted nothing more than to make him into a cold-blooded monster.</p>
<p>And Yuusuke still says <em>boku</em>. Yuusuke still didn't hesitate to take the amadam, to turn herself into a hero and a danger.</p>
<p>Yuusuke didn't hesitate to look at Yashiro with undisguised love, or to grieve Yashiro with equal measures of tears and fury.</p>
<p>
  <em>She has a good smile.</em>
</p>
<p>Tsukasa had said the words, but Natsumi agrees with them. Yuusuke has a good smile. Yuusuke seems to have a good <em>heart</em>.</p>
<p>Yuusuke is traveling with them, and Tsukasa seems just as fascinated by her as she is by Natsumi.</p>
<p>Natsumi doesn't want to be jealous. She's not sure there's anything to truly be jealous of. Sure, Tsukasa has kissed her, a quick, fierce press of Tsukasa's lips against hers—a flick of Tsukasa's tongue into her mouth. But Natsumi's not sure Tsukasa wouldn't kiss the mirror if the notion took her, and... well...</p>
<p>Giving her head a shake, Natsumi heads up to the guest room that is now Natsumi <em>and</em> Yuusuke's room. She needs to talk with Yuusuke about what she likes and what she doesn't like, what necessities she needs and what she was able to pack before abandoning her world.</p>
<p>Before running from her world and her grief to people who needed her, people that she immediately gave her heart to and risked her life for.</p>
<p>Natsumi knocks hesitantly on the door, though it's not closed. Yuusuke is sitting in the window, her eyes turned to the cloudy sky.</p>
<p>What stars would be visible if there weren't clouds? What kind of world are they in now?</p>
<p>Natsumi bites her lip, refusing to let herself get drawn into those deeper questions and doubts. She can't answer them. All she'll do is drive herself crazy with them. Right now she needs to focus on keeping them all fed and clothed while Tsukasa figures out what it is that they need to do in this world.</p>
<p>Yuusuke turns to look at her, and there's a smile on her face.</p>
<p>Natsumi feels her heart skip a beat. It's silly, really. Yuusuke isn't the prettiest girl she's ever seen. Yuusuke's hair is cut too short, with no sense of style; Yuusuke's clothes are too baggy to ever be considered sexy or fashionable. But Yuusuke's eyes are deep and kind, and her smile... well, Tsukasa was right about her having a good smile.</p>
<p>“It's... going to be supper soon.” Natsumi swallows. “Nothing fancy today—just rice balls and miso and tuna. I just wanted to talk to you about what kind of stuff you like and what you don't, since it seems we'll be traveling together for a while.”</p>
<p>“I'm not too picky. I've done a lot of traveling before, and as long as it's not drowning in carrots I'll try just about anything once.” Yuusuke stands, and Natsumi is surprised once more to find that she's taller than the other woman. Yuusuke seems to give off enough presence that she <em>should</em> be taller.</p>
<p>Perhaps it's the fact that Yuusuke radiates body heat in a way Natsumi's never felt before—an inhuman way, subtle but hard to miss once you notice it. Natsumi tries to keep herself from studying Yuusuke's body. Or face. Or eyes. She's just trying to have a <em>conversation</em>, and given how she feels about Tsukasa this shouldn't be so hard to manage. “I'll keep that in mind. Did you need anything? Clothes? Toothbrush? Stuff like that?”</p>
<p>Yuusuke gives her head a shake. “Not right now, at least. Thanks for asking, though.”</p>
<p>“You're welcome. I just want you to be comfortable if we're going to be sharing a house.” Natsumi offers a tentative smile of her own.</p>
<p>Yuusuke grins again. “That's very kind.”</p>
<p>The silence stretches out between them, and Yuusuke continues to watch her, clearly waiting for something.</p>
<p>Natsumi wants to know, but she's learned all her life not to directly ask questions, not if she wants to be polite. Sure, she can get away with it with her grandfather, but with someone who's still basically a stranger... even if she thinks it will be better for them to know each other, she can't bring herself to just <em>ask</em>.</p>
<p>It had been easier with Tsukasa. When someone was bleeding into your lap, asking them what happened and who they were and where they came from was a much more simple proposition.</p>
<p>“I don't mind people asking about it or wanting to know. If things hadn't gotten so crazy in my world, I probably would have talked about it with you guys there.” Yuusuke draws a breath, her smile fading just a bit into something more melancholy. “You want to know about my name and the way I speak, right?”</p>
<p>Yuusuke's question is straightforward but her tone is gentle, and Natsumi steels herself enough to nod.</p>
<p>Yuusuke nods in return. “It wasn't my name originally. Mine was Minori. I had an older brother named Yuusuke. He died when I was five. He was smiling right up until the end, and he told me to smile, too. To smile while still being true to myself. I've tried to live up to what he would have wanted for me.”</p>
<p>Natsumi frowns. “By... using his name?”</p>
<p>Yuusuke shrugs. “By using the name that feels right. I'm the last Onodera; I might as well have both his name and mine. And I might as well use the speech pattern that feels right no matter which name I want to wear then.”</p>
<p>There's something Natsumi's missing. There's something Yuusuke's dancing around—something other than the fact that she uses her dead brother's name. “No matter which name you want to wear?”</p>
<p>Yuusuke shrugs. “Sometimes I want a female name; more often I want a male name. Sometimes I feel like Minori; more often I feel like Yuusuke. But <em>boku </em>always works for me. Is that going to bother you?”</p>
<p>Natsumi considers the question. “Do you always smile the same?”</p>
<p>Yuusuke blinks, and then a grateful smile flashes across her face. “I don't know. You'll have to tell me. I don't look at myself in the mirror that often.”</p>
<p>“Puts you a step ahead of Tsukasa, then.” Natsumi watches Yuusuke's face.</p>
<p>Yuusuke laughs, and there's only fondness in her eyes as she nods. “I haven't known her nearly as long as you have, but I'm tempted to agree.”</p>
<p>“Tsukasa is many things. Humble is not one of them.” Natsumi beckons towards the door. “Want to come help with dinner?”</p>
<p>“Happily.” Yuusuke falls into step behind her, following her down the stairs and towards the little kitchen that will keep them all fed.</p>
<p>Natsumi finds herself acutely aware of how close Yuusuke is, of the sound of Yuusuke's breathing, of the way that Yuusuke's steps sound heavier than they should.</p>
<p>She's not jealous of Yuusuke anymore, she finds.</p>
<p>She's not sure what she <em>is</em> feeling will be any easier to figure out or integrate into their lives, but at least it's not jealousy.</p>
<p>* * *</p>
<p>Kaitou Daiki is an absolute disaster.</p>
<p>Natsumi should hate her. Kaitou almost got her killed, after all, using Natsumi as collateral in a game to earn Tsukasa's attention.</p>
<p>But Natsumi thinks she <em>understands </em>Kaitou better than she does the others. Tsukasa is impossible, too arrogant and self-assured to be raised in any kind of household that Natsumi would recognize. Yuusuke is impossible in a completely different way—kind, but not in the self-effacing, self-<em>erasing</em> way that Natsumi knows the world expects of women. Instead of letting someone else take the amadam, Yuusuke claimed it for herself; instead of letting her grief make her small, Yuusuke used it to claim a whole new part of her identity.</p>
<p>Daiki is a bitch and a jealous witch. She's dangerous and cruel and crazy.</p>
<p>She's someone that Natsumi recognizes, and rather than hating her Natsumi finds herself pitying Kaitou more with every day they spend together.</p>
<p>Kaitou doesn't wear her grief on her sleeve, but now that Natsumi knows about it she can see it coloring every move that Kaitou makes.</p>
<p>Natsumi considers saying nothing. She considers letting Kaitou continue to stew in the rejection and disappointment and frustration that have been eating away at her since Kaitou abandoned her world and her family.</p>
<p>Then Natsumi thinks of what Tsukasa would do, of what Yuusuke would do, and decides that there's something better she can do.</p>
<p>Tsukasa is learning, but she still doesn't know enough to recognize when she's hurting Kaitou or to necessarily care about how easily she can do that.</p>
<p>Yuusuke is kind, but it's the type of kindness that Kaitou can't stand, the type that hurts her simply by existing.</p>
<p>Natsumi isn't like either of them. Her speech is normal for a woman's—isn't the casual claiming of power that Tsukasa uses, or the refusal to be anything other than herself that Yuusuke insists on, or the furious anger and hatred that goes into every time Daiki says <em>ore</em>.</p>
<p>Natsumi is just herself, and maybe that simplicity—that recognizability—will be what Kaitou needs.</p>
<p>Or maybe it won't be, but Natsumi won't know until she tries.</p>
<p>Kaitou is on the roof. Natsumi supposes she shouldn't find it odd—the thief has been prone to getting into wherever she isn't supposed to be, and since they gave her free rein of the house clearly outside it is where she will choose to rest.</p>
<p>Or perhaps there was some other reason Daiki came up here. Something that Natsumi saw before, when she found Yuusuke looking out the window.</p>
<p>Something she hasn't allowed herself to feel, because if she recognizes how far they've come—how different this place is from her world—she might just break down crying.</p>
<p>“How long have you been traveling with Tsukasa?” Natsumi asks the question with a quiet forthrightness that belies the polite words she uses.</p>
<p>“Long enough.” Kaitou turns to watch her. “Didn't expect you to come hunt me down, Natsumelon.”</p>
<p>“I'm not. Just getting some fresh air.” Natsumi stretches and yawns.</p>
<p>“Uh huh.” Kaitou chuckles, her lips pulled back in a grimace. “How long have <em>you</em> been traveling with Tsukasa?”</p>
<p>“A few weeks.” Natsumi decides there's no harm in answering honestly. “They've been interesting ones.”</p>
<p>“They always are around Tsukasa. Comes from her absolute inability to interact with the world like a normal human being.” Kaitou is still smiling, though it's not a nice expression.</p>
<p>“And yet you're still following her.” Natsumi tries to say the words gently, perhaps even teasingly.</p>
<p>Kaitou sighs, grin falling away. “I'm doing what I want to do.”</p>
<p>“It's hard not to want to follow her, huh?” Natsumi bites down on her bottom lip.</p>
<p>Kaitou studies her, and it's impossible to tell what Kaitou is thinking. When she finally speaks, she reaches out as she does, her fingers stroking Natsumi's cheek. “Tsukasa's got a way of getting under your skin. Of making you think that maybe you, too, can just... be who you want to be. Say what you want to say. Get away with being... someone like Tsukasa.”</p>
<p>Natsumi swallows, feeling Daiki's fingers like brands against her skin. “The first time I saw Tsukasa, she had been beaten half to death and didn't remember anything except her name.”</p>
<p>“And that didn't matter at all, did it?” Kaitou pulls her fingers back. “The first time I saw her, Tsukasa was stuck on the side of the road in my world. She didn't have any idea how to manage anything. She was intent on stealing a car. And she was the most beautiful, enchanting person I had ever seen.”</p>
<p>“Did she... has she...” Natsumi shouldn't bother asking.</p>
<p>“Of course she kissed me. She bedded me, even.” Kaitou gives her head a shake. “As I imagine that she's bedded you? And Yuusuke, too?”</p>
<p>“Since I've kissed Yuusuke too...” Natsumi's voice is a quiet whisper, admitting what she's never been certain she'd be able to admit to someone who she probably shouldn't trust with a sea cucumber let alone a secret.</p>
<p>Kaitou laughs. “I mean, who <em>wouldn't</em> want to, with that smile of hers? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.”</p>
<p>“Who would you even tell?” Natsumi shrugs, trying to seem less concerned than she is.</p>
<p>“Nobody that I think would even know why they should care.” Kaitou studies her. “When you came up here, I thought you'd want to talk about... you know. How I screwed you over and almost got you killed.”</p>
<p>“Is there anything useful there to talk about?” Natsumi raises her eyebrows.</p>
<p>Kaitou considers. “I didn't mean to put you in <em>that</em> much danger. I just... I got so focused on Tsukasa, I wasn't even considering anything else.”</p>
<p>“I figured.” Natsumi waits, but Kaitou doesn't offer anything else. “If you <em>hadn't</em> been so focused on Tsukasa...”</p>
<p>“I'm not a good person, Natsumi. I haven't been for a very long time.” Kaitou draws a breath, and then turns fully to her. Fingers reach out to caress her cheek, and then lips are pressing against hers.</p>
<p>Kaitou doesn't kiss like either Tsukasa or Yuusuke. Yuusuke is all slow burning desire and gentle reassurance; Tsukasa is all fierce claiming. Kaitou... Kaitou is hungry need, and a hesitance that Natsumi doesn't think either of the others would show.</p>
<p>When Kaitou pulls away, she smiles slightly. “That wasn't because you've kissed Tsukasa, just for the record.”</p>
<p>Then Kaitou is standing, pushing past Natsumi and down into the photo studio.</p>
<p>Natsumi touches her tingling lips, not sure if the conversation went well or poorly, but certain neither of them will forget it anytime soon.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Half of them died.</p>
<p>It doesn't feel real. The four of them are huddled together on a mattress bed, skin touching skin, breath mingling, and for one terrible moment it doesn't feel real.</p>
<p>Then Natsumi remembers the way her sword felt sliding into Tsukasa's chest, and she knows it all happened. She knows she will see it all happen again in her dreams, just as she saw it all happen in her dreams before.</p>
<p>Except this time she will <em>know</em>. This time she will know what it feels like to have a heart cease beating when your sword is through it. This time she will know that Tsukasa let Yuusuke die, and that Natsumi killed Tsukasa, and that Kaitou helped them fix everything in the end.</p>
<p>This time she will know that the heroes of all the worlds decided Tsukasa should die, and <em>she</em> decided that Tsukasa should live, and in the end it was Natsumi's dream that won out.</p>
<p>She's moving restlessly, and she knows that she shouldn't even before Yuusuke's fingers touch her neck. Yuusuke immediately begins to massage at Natsumi's muscles, her fingers sure and steady and so gloriously warm. Natsumi can't help but groan.</p>
<p>“Oh?” Kaitou's voice is too tired to really be suggestive, but she tries anyway. “Is that what we're doing now?”</p>
<p>“Only if you want me to fall asleep on top of you and smother you.” Tsukasa's voice is utterly calm.</p>
<p>Kaitou snorts. “Like you'd be on top.”</p>
<p>Yuusuke's breath huffs against Natsumi's neck, a silent laugh.</p>
<p>Natsumi reaches out, grabbing Tsukasa's shirt and pulling her closer. She spread her hand over Tsukasa's chest, feeling the steady beating of her heart.</p>
<p>Tsukasa's hand settles over hers. “It's all right.”</p>
<p>It's not. There's <em>so much</em> that wasn't all right about what happened, from what Tsukasa did to what the heroes did in retaliation to what Natsumi did.</p>
<p>“But it worked out.” Yuusuke's voice is a quiet whisper in her ear.</p>
<p><em>Just like us</em> sits on the edge of Natsumi's tongue, but she knows that now isn't the time to say it. If she says it now Kaitou might spook; if she says it now Tsukasa might say something unintentionally cold, and make Natsumi regret her joy in the beating heart beneath her fingertips.</p>
<p>There weren't any other women in the group of heroes that decided to kill Tsukasa. Not that this is <em>why</em> they decided to kill Tsukasa—she knows that Tsukasa earned it through her actions. And she still remembers the not-her-Yuusuke that she saw in her dreams, the one who begged Tsukasa to <em>please</em> not do what she was doing.</p>
<p>But there still weren't any women in the group of heroes who decided to kill Tsukasa. Despite Yashiro, despite the four of them...</p>
<p>Natsumi is too tired to follow the thought to any kind of conclusion. Perhaps there isn't any conclusion to actually be made.</p>
<p>Perhaps there's just the four of them, huddled here together in the dark, alive despite the fact that they're not supposed to be.</p>
<p>Safe and whole and happy despite the fact that they were meant to be a sacrifice to save everything else.</p>
<p>“Sometimes it's all right to sleep, Natsumelon.” Kaitou's hand reaches over Tsukasa to rest on Natsumi's shoulder.</p>
<p>“Sleep well.” Tsukasa's lips brush against her free hand, Tsukasa apparently already knowing not to take Natsumi's hand off her chest until Natsumi's ready.</p>
<p>“We'll be here if there's any nightmares.” Yuusuke's words are so soft that Natsumi doubts the others can hear them.</p>
<p>They're all alive.</p>
<p>They're all alive and they're all <em>themselves</em> still, in all their complicated, contradictory glory.</p>
<p>For right now, Natsumi thinks it will be victory enough to let her sleep easy.</p>
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